Busmans Lunch

Contra to popular contention I do actually like to look after myself, to this end recently at lunch time I have forgone the standard shopping mall fair or burgers/fried chicken/pasties and instead go for the healthy option, the boots option a sandwich, bag of crisps/ choc bar, and drink (under £1.35) for only £3(I am well aware that this option does leave me with no dessert but there is a Thornton’s nearby that’s that sorted). So today for lunch I tootled off towards boots (using the stairs cos it’s good for your heart) but today was a special day, the sandwich (usually £2.10 each) were discounted down to 75p per pack that’s a mere 35% of the sticker price, how could I pass up such a barging? I purchased my sandwiches (Thai prawn and new York deli) and the rest of my meal. (Don’t worry I will get onto the bus soon(ish).) I had eaten 3 sandwiches when it dawned on me that I was not going to be able to eat the crisp component of my meal. I finished the sandwiches stowed the crisps in a safe pocket and put my appletiser in the fridge. For I knew that I may want them at a later time.

Upon leaving work I felt understandably peckish and not unparched so out came the crisps and drink I popped open the crackerjack lime and coriander bag and glugged the reminder of my fizzy fruit beverage. As I approached the bus stop I saw my bus friend with whom I often converse, he took off his headphones and I pocketed the crisps out of courtesy. We chatted and got on the bus then we chatted some more on the bus at some point in my journey I absentmindedly took out my snack and started to munch, so there I was chatting and munching, then I slowly realised, I had not offered him one of my crisps, how must he feel watching me gauge myself on a healthy flavoursome corn treat? At once I knew what to do (for I am a man fleet of thought), I would offer him a crisp he would accept and we would, for a moment both bond over the tangy yet refreshing flavours of the orient.

So I glanced down at my bag opened it up so it looked inviting for him to select his present from. But upon looking into the fully unfurled bag I was struck with horror, I only had one crisp and a slither left! When offered this pitiful selection what would he do? Would he take the crisp knowing that I had eaten the rest of the packet and feel guilty for the rest of the day? Would he take the slither for fear of depriving me of the final treat and feel and slighted? Would he decline citing some fictitious future meal? How long would it take him to make his choice? I knew I could not put a fellow human being in such a position of stress. I scooped both shard and crisp into my mouth chewed and swallowed. Problem over, for now.