Vintage Coffee!

What is it with old people and getting up early? I know it’s a common question but it really does bother me. I’m in my early twenties and get up even later than I did when I was a teenager (mainly because school started at 8.45 and the earliest work starts is 10.00) and if I have a day off I will rarely get up before neighbors (which as we all know starts at 1.45 rather than 1.40 which the B.B.C. want us to believe, god knows why they lie about it). My Nan gets up at 6.00 am that’s 2 hours after my brother’s bed time! And from my experience on the bus today I can only assume that my Nan is not alone among the olds. I had to be in work by 10 today so I got the 9.10 bus the first bus, which was full of old people I would venture that 60-75% of the passengers of the bus were over seventy five. It was a typical day no great early bird savings no men in giant cat suits just soulless shops selling shinny things that you don’t really need.

Due to the geriatric overcrowding of the bus I needed to share my seat with a man, this man was not a normal man he was I’d say between 55 and 65 about 14 stone but not fat looking, stocky above average height but looked short due to his girth. He looked knobbly like a gnome or a troll and had excessive hair on all the exposed flesh. He wore big headphones like a d.j. but they were plugged into an ipod shuffle so looked faintly ridicules. This was fine he didn’t crowd me I didn’t have to go to any effort to stop our two masses colliding. The journey was going quite pleasant partly because as he sat next to me the tension of sitting on ones own on a crowded bus had dissipated. Then this man produced a thermos flask and proceeded to pour a cup of hot milky coffee! Now this immediately put me on edge the driver today is one well know (to me at least) for being a jerky stop start driver and I am on my way to work wearing the clothes that I must wear for the next 10 hours how on earth can he think that this is an appropriate place to consume a scolding staining morning pick me up? For about 10 minuets I was braced for the inevitable break, splash, scream. It never happened. Getting off was quite a palaver he did not take the usual body language signals that some one wants to get off that I am permanently attuned to when I am on the outside seat, so I had to make eye contact to inform him that I needed to disembark. Thank god I didn’t have to vocalise anything. I got to work on time and about 30 O.A.P. had 10 minuets walking around a deserted mall.

Fungus

A strange white speckled fungus has appeared around the bottom edge of my bus stop. I don’t know what it is does anyone have any idea? I might touch it tomorrow see if I rash.

In the car today

Today was a bank holiday so naturally as many people are off work and able to go to the shops they cut the busses down to a bare minimum! I have a lovely mother so she said that if I had to work I could get a lift. I got up later had a nice long wash and set out later as we did not have to go all around town picking up poor, ignorant and old people. I sat down on the upholstered seat affixed my safety belt (mandatory by law for car passengers but not available to people of the bus as we are expendable) turned on radio 2 (rapidly becoming my fav station) and settled in to a stress free luxurious ride into work, or so I thought (what a set up, you sure are excited now aren’t you).

First turn out of the drive we encountered a pigeon sat down in the middle or the road, my mum decided to creep up on it very slowly rather than honk the horn which would have been my choice. Eventually it moved. Being a bank holiday the roads were empty except for mentalist, one old bloke who drove at about 30mph (miles per hour, can also be written as m/h) in a 60m/h zone but then turned off, a little later a black car turned onto the main road crawled along at 5kph for 40 yards and the turned off the next turning. The rest of the journey was ok so I got to work 20 minuets early and browsed for reduced eggs (easter) there were none.

On the way home the roads were empty of everyone including nutters but the bus driver was willfully slow so I got home 3 minuets late but it did give me more time with my ipod which I enjoy.

Time and money

Today the hole in the wall had run out of ten pound notes so could only dispense twenty pounds at a time, the bus doesn’t take twenty pound notes as I may have mentioned before. Luckily I already had the correct amount for the journey so I didn’t use the cash point on this occasion.

Where I work there is a bus station which is a big name for an open air coach park with eight bus shelters. The shelters are arranged in two rows either side of a road in a loop for the busses to go round. Four of these shelters (A,B,C and D) are in frequent use, I have never seen two used (E and F) G is used by the 75 which comes every 8 minuets (I sometimes sit in there when it is raining and my shelter is full) H is my shelter I don’t really sit in the shelter unless it is raining and windy as it is often full of people who want to speak to you. (see girl asking about 609) so I sit on the bench this has the two advantages, one is the solitude and escape for an in secant barrage of moronic questions (that’s just from George) and the other is the ambiguity of your purpose, you could be sitting waiting for a bus or you could be taking in the view of cripples trees and be littered bushes, so if you arrive for your bus just after it has left (as I have done on a less than seven occasions) you can sit there for say forty five minuets and leave looking less like you were waiting for a bus than you would if you were in a shelter. My bus stop is not busy the majority of the time in fact you can sit there for an hour watch everyone else except the people at H get on a bus. That is until 7.15 when four, yes four busses are scheduled to arrive at my stop. My bus, one to Weston super Mere another the Newport and the 615 which has a hand written sign that says buSstation on it. Now I’m not a bus planner I don’t pretend to know what that job entails but I am pretty damn sure that It should involve more than saying oh lets just whack it on H and going home. So my plea to all those considering or working in public transport planning, please make sure you have a basic grasp of time and space or at least realise that as one object cannot occupy two places at once equally two three or even four objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Remember that and your set.

Conversation

Every day I get the bus I listen to my ipod and every day I have to untangle my headphones, this takes me about five minuets each day twice a day. I could save this time buy stowing them in the little bag provided but that will mean I listen to my ipod for an extra 10 minuets a day which would ruin my recharge cycle. so I guess I’ll just have to put up with the untangling and occasional bumping into people on the way to the bus.

On the way home I met up with a friend (a fiancé of an acquaintance I knew from school who I have become friends with over many months of bus travel) I was not to tired so I struck up a conversation at the stop, like a fool I continued this conversation on the bus (it was a good to begin with about hours and jobs and that but it degenerated into talking about the black clouds and when they would open drenching us). As this conversation drew to its natural close the trouble started. What does one do when the talking stops? Carry on regardless to fill the time? Obviously no. sit there in comfort and enjoy the bus ride? Don’t make me laugh (sorry). I opted to sit there not acknowledging the presence of my former conversie but not looking out of the window in case she thought I was blanking her I chose a spot and stared at it just keeping her in my field of view and not listening to my ipod so if the conversation reignited I would not be left out. My neck hurt and I missed a particularly snazzy sports car but after a wile her stop came up and I got on with my ipod.

For the record as I got of the bus it did not rain on me. It hailed.

Man

Today as i was getting off the bus a man asked me for directions to primrose drive. I think the directions I gave were wrong, I hope they weren't.

On the bus today, again

Before I got on the bus I could hear some foreigners (they could have been English people speaking foreign, I can't tell) arguing. I assumed that this must be a brief row that would soon simmer down. As time when on it become apparent that they were not arguing but just talking very loud (or shouting as some people call it) this as I'm sure you understand is quite annoying so many people on the bus did what they had to do and shot them pointed stare (the woman reading the book was particularly vicious) but that did not stop them they continued like this for the whole ride. Thank god they got off at the petrol station.

I was so far away from the bell that it got me pondering what my life would be like with long fingers (good for ringing bus bells and scrumming apples not so good for typing or discreet pointing)

I got off the bus and it was still light and sunny. Yey for summer.

Revolution

Today I noticed the graffiti that necessitates my use of the leaning corner is infact the v from v for vendetta. I shall hence forth stop thinking of it as an annoying little piece of middle class rebellion masquerading as the self expression of the urban under classes, but rather regard it as a sign of the impending civil unrest that will result in the overthrowing of our current Orwellian totalitarian government through clever use of masks. Hoora

The 609

Today the man in front of me sat sideways. I pretended to fall asleep so as to avoid eye contact.

On the way home a lovely young lady asked me why the bus changes from a 309 to a 609 after seven (it's because the service is provided with the assistance of the local authority as the service would be uneconomical without these grants, all busses numbered between 500 and 999 in the former Avon (South Gloucestershire, Bristol City Council and B&NES) are funded like this) I said I did not know.

Robin Hood of the busses

My name is Richard Davies and I am a criminal. Today I took a bus ride that First Bus Group Limited values at 4.00 for 0, nothing, zilch. when I boarded the bus I fully intended to pay my way, I got on asked for a ticket presented my 10 note (fresh from the 'cash point' as Barclays bank wants me to call them) at which point the driver scowled at me and clamed he had no change. The fair was 4 he had just got on the bus are you telling me that drivers start their shifts with less than 6 float? So I stood aside waited for others to get on pay and then for him to call me over so I could purchase my ticked. The passengers got on I sat there the driver spent some time fixing the mirror (more about that in a future blog) and then he started the engine and drove off.

Cue a feeling or terror in my stomach, I'm a fair dodger I'm breaking the law, I will be arrested an inspector will come on and ask me to pay the standard fair (20 by a beautiful bureaucratic cock up the signs saying that are right next to the posters telling me that they don't accept 20 notes). So I sit in fear for half an hour craning at every stop of the tell tail day glow halo of a ticket inspector, and then it happens we pass the boundary of Bristol, no ticket inspector has ever been seen this far out I got away with it I got a free ride. but what if the driver still remembers what if he doesn't let me off at my stop what will the blond three rows back think will she regard me as scum or a dangerous man who she would like to get to know?

I gather my belongings (dropping my sleeping bag the bus driver doesn't notice the blond does) ring the bell say thanx in a different voice so as to avoid detection and get off. I did it, I got away, I am a fugitive.

The fraudsters and the blind

The driver that annoyed me so by asking me to repeat myself three times was driving. Today he heard me first time. On my journey to work I was sitting musing on the lack of comments on my blog and minding my own business, when in front of my eyes the bus driver became a human. He was very nice and helpful to a blind man (is it rude to stare at the blind? I don't cos you never know how much they are putting it on) he helped him on the bus and got out of his seat to pick up the change that the blind dropped. later a bloke got on who had a pass for further up the journey instead of making him buy a ticket I just let him put it in the machine when we came to the bit where it was valid. I paid full fair.

Pauline

I was on a late shift today so I took the 4.10 bus. I was wide awake it was warm and the sun was just thinking about going down. I put my ipod on and settled in for a very pleasant wait for the bus. After about 2 minutes I saw one of my neighbors coming out of my road probably out for a walk or to post a letter I thought. As she progressed it dawned on me that she may be getting the same bus as me. (I should state here that I am not a normal man I am quite confident that I am a 12 year old boy born in 1920 trapped inside the body of a man born in the 1980's so naturally I am not to good at intergenerational pleasantries, or any pleasantries really). Then as she looked to cross the road it became obvious that she was.

I am never sure of the distance it is appropriate to acknowledge that you have noticed and know the person, is it when you first see them but cannot be heard, if so then you must some how be friendly, not aloof, not over attentive for the time between the greeting and the passing. today I chose wrong she was crossing the road and I did the eyebrow and chin lift hi just before I thought that she was going to cross, she did not cross at that time so I had to pretend to be intently watching a car as it drove down the road. I did this four or five times.

So she finally crossed the road (I duno why I put a paragraph break there, it just looked like alot of text in one chunk) and I said hi to this woman who I have nothing in common with, I once spent a summer playing cricket with her daughter, occasionally her and my mother converse since I became an adult(30th January 2002) I chip in sometimes (I had to restrain my self from releasing the diatribe of bile and hate that was running through my mind when we last met, she said that they were having Christmas dinner on Christmas eve rather than Christmas day, I mean really!). So as she moves towards the bus stop I get more and more nervous, what should I do. Should I chat about her church or my job should we sit together on the little bench, or should we stand there in silence. I elected for the latter, but I realised to late that the way I have been standing is very rude and that can't move for fear of being embroiled in a discussion about her, or even worse my life. I am now worried about everything I do. I have to listen to two crap songs on my ipod because I’m scared that looking at my ipod may be rude same goes for the watch so I can't tell if the bus is late or not.

When the bus comes I get on first to an empty bus this provides me with a quandary which seat to sit in that does not offend the wench that has chosen to get my bus. I choose the high back seat that is on the lower level so it's comfortable and unusually enough so she can see why I chose it and not raised so she is intimidated. I sit down feeling smug that I have made the right decision. She gets on and sits down on the seats at the front that face the side and turns her back to me! The journey continues more people get on I think about what I am going to write in my blog. She gets off at the high street a twenty minute walk that I took earlier that day. Why did she put me though all that to save a twenty minute walk? bint

Apple

Today I got to the stop and found that someone had thrown an apple at my leaning spot (have I mentioned my leaning spot before? it's where I lean because I can't see out of the window when I sit). So the corner that I lean in is now covered with mushy apple. I’m beginning to think that I have an evil stalker who is trying to make the bus stop uncomfortable for me to use, maybe a raving Thatcherite who is trying to undermine public transport passenger by passenger. Think I’m paranoid? lets look at the evidence, first the seat has sections that are covered in bird feces when there is a roof on the shelter so no bird could naturally defecate on that seat, second the graffiti that makes it impossible to see the bus when you do find a portion of the seat to perch on, and now when I find the only comfortable place to stand in the shelter it is covered in apple MY ACHILIES HEEL (I’m allergic to apple. Still think I’m crazy?

All old man and trousers

The bus was quite empty today, which is why I was somewhat surprised that an old man decided to ignore all the empty seats and basic bus etiquette in choosing to sit next to me. He wasn't that big and didn't smell but I was uncomfortable for about half an hour trying to anticipate every move and lurch of the bus and adjust so that I didn't lean unnecessary into him.

On the bus ride home I remembered that during my lunch break I had to go to the loo, I wore my ipod as I usually do, I was wearing new 100% polyester (£19.50 m&s bargain) trousers as I took them down ipod in pocket headphones in ear I could actually hear the static electricity through my headphones, interesting no?

Confused.com

I'm not sure what happened on the bus today. One version would be that after getting on the bus and handing the driver £10.10 for my £5.10 fare we both engaged in light hearted banter about the difference between the price and value of the journey. Another and just as likely retelling of events is that after handing the driver my hard earned £10.10 for my £5.10 fare he proceeded the horang me (even after I sat down) for not providing the exact change and then go on to make derogatory remarks about my home town. The bus was three minutes early.

Newtons revenge

I like nice bus drivers, I like them more than I should because the bad ones are so bad the good ones look like gods in comparison. Today I had one of these deities of the road who I feel deserves some praise so praise I shall.

The bus was a little bit late which put me in a bad mood already cos it was after a long day at work. Every passenger (or customer as we are no doubt known by the shareholders who make slaves of us all) in front of me had an intricate yet pointless task to undertake during boarding. This also annoyed me. that is until I saw how the driver was dealing with every passenger with good humor cheer and patience, the traveler in front of me was trying to get a season ticket thing that cost £25 so presented him with £20 and £5 notes instead of dismissing this frankly foolish man he took the money and gently informed him of first groups policy of higher denominations of perfectly legal tender. I got on the bus gave my ticket he leaned on the horn made me jump and us both laugh.

I don't know how much you, my readers travel on a bus, maybe never, for us seasoned bus users we are aware that from time to time the bus has to stop for traffic lights bus stops and that. I only say this because some people do not know, most notably the bint sitting across the isle from me. The bus came to a stop at the traffic lights and the aforementioned bint's ill stowed luggage fell from seat to floor, of course she shouted at the driver something in bristolian about not stopping for red lights he shouted back something equally indecipherable to which she replied but by that time I had lost interest. she disappeared up stairs.

got off I said thanx, driver said night (how nice)

One fat lady

Today on the way home the driver missed a turn and didn't realise so a fat lady in the front had to shout "you've missed the turn" at him. i got home 5 mins late.

On The Walk Today

It was my day off today so I decided to take a nice scenic walk. I wanted to go on a walk for many reasons; to be on my own, get some exercise and most of all have a look at the nice view. So I set off on my walk towards the best view near me, I walked for an hour across fields along roads over streams and through hedges of various coarseness. When I got there their was a woman in the best spot, so I stood the other side of a nearby hedge looked at a substandard view and tried to pretend that the woman wasn't there. I looked for about a min then walked home.

Totter

today and old woman took a full 10 seconds to get up totter across the isle of the moving bus to ring a bell that had already been rung.

Shelter, chavs and kids

The bus stop closest to my house has a shelter which is very nice if it's cold and rainy as it was today. This shelter has 3 and half walls, a roof, a bench and some Perspex windows, through all but one of these windows the waiter (for a bus not at a table) has a majestic view of the surrounding vista trees, fields and 1970's houses. It really is quite relaxing to sit there and wait. that is of course unless you are waiting for… a bus because one of the windows is out of action, obscured by some indecipherable graffiti which has not been fixed for about 6 months now (I have a good mind to creep out in the dead of night with some turps and rectifying it myself).

So today I got on the bus after having to stand for about 5 minutes waiting for the bus as I cannot see the bus coming when I make use of the seat. As soon as I saw the bus today I noticed that something was up, the bus was unusually full and a short distance into the ride I realised why. CHAVS a heard of about 5 or 6 chavs aged far to young to be riding a bus at ten past nine (or as I like to think of it quarter past when they should have been in school). so I was relatively annoyed by having to site next to a fellow passenger due to these people, this was only increased by there incessant talking and generally jollity which forced me to turn up my ipod to an uncomfortable level but even that did not drown out there noise.

Some of the windows were open in the bus which it idiotic because it was cold and raining.

Got off before the chavs so I don't know where they were going, which annoys me. Said thanx to the driver and got on with my day.

On the way home the bus was fuller than usually again thanx this time to a different set of kids who were not as loud even though they were on their way to a party. They did take alot of time to get off which pissed me off cos the bus was abit late and I thought I might miss the Chelsea barca kick off (but luckily that was delayed). I was abit confused looking for the bus stop as I was on the other side of the bus from normal but it did make the journey abit different and more interesting.

Got off the bus turned to the driver and said thanx mate

On the bus today

Today the bus was pretty much on time, which was nice. In order to get a ticket I had to repeat myself 3 times, This was the bus drivers fault as i buy a ticket the same way every day with little to no problem (bloody incompitent drivers). Some one was on my prefered and second fav seat so i took my free paper and sat on the third option (a bit close to the front for my liking and does not have a head reast thing but has easy access to a bell and an unobstructed window). about five mins in a scruffy bloke who stank of HORRIBLE 'backy sat on the seat right in front of me ,so i had to endure his stench for 25 mins ( i could have moved seats but it would have resulted in dissapproving looks from the other passengers who i knew already blamed me for the ticket buying fiasco)

the drive was pretty uneventfull from then on the bus driver got abit pissed off from some other drivers cutting him up which cheered me up a bit.

got off the bus didn't say thanx.